‘The end’ of my EGO Era

My new book title, as if I don’t already have a gazillion in the hopper…..

We don’t always SEE the MAGIC

Yep, it came to me this morning that I’m really done. I am SO DONE with the doing. I love ‘to do’ but now it’s done. For real. The catepillar hanging from the sky this morning jolted me into re-membering the obvious secrets of trusting in the Universe.

I’ve had several great & challenging phone calls over the last few days with my high vibe friends and there’s one common thread. I feel this deep hole in my gut (3rd chakra to be specific) that is shifting my awareness. Transforming me through the pain of my EGO body into no other choice than to transcend the mind.

When the feeling comes on its so icky and demotivating. I get into a space where nothing feels necessary and life is boring. Yes, I live in Bali and bliss is abundant all around and I saver this honour and live a bliss filled life. I’m in it, I’m connected — but not all the time. It feels like a spiritual drug addiction. Wanting to be in ‘the flow’ and ‘in the magic’ constantly but finding my self obsessed with the feelings and experiences of when I’m ‘NOT there’.

Then I judge myself for what I haven’t done. Maybe its more meditation, eating more greens, breathing more deeply, becoming more grateful. The list is endless of what my mind starts projecting and the feeling only gets deeper. To make it worse, I KNOW that I’m doing this to MYSELF and that there is another way and that I can embody this other vibration through my intention. A WAY that I am so very familiar with but that I don’t often choose to recognize.

Let go.

Not of things or ideas but of my identity. What if I didn’t have a story? What if every day was fresh and new? Many of you reading this may want to say — right, we’ve heard all of this “let go of your story” many times before. I happen to really love my story btw. Little scandinavian girl grows up in the prairies of ND and flys off into the big city and bright lights. Has an incredible career, travels the world and eventually leaves her luxury lifestyle for helmet hair, flip flops and the rice fields of Bali. But I’m telling you, actually choosing to let go of your human identity??… things get ugly for awhile.

The EGO realizes that it is, in fact, losing its job (thank you course in miracles for spelling this out so eliquently). It’s starts throwing out many, many tricks of the mind that manifest oh so easily to keep you back in the illusion. Whether its going broke or having the energy of passion projects go -poof!- right before your very eyes, one by one… the EGO WILL CAPTURE your attention. And make you believe that you are THAT. A bank account, a project, or a person. Man it sucks as you move through the manipulation of YOUR OWN MIND!!!!

So today while talking with my dear friend Daniel, I heard myself telling some of the same stories yet again. Desiring my alignment to soul and self to become one more consistently, closing the gap if you will. I realized that I needed to use his advice of ‘Radical Mindfulness’ (his new book which is a must read when it launches!!!) to set the intention of getting my EGO mind in the back seat so that my SPIRIT heart can be in the drivers seat and lead the way. It is the only way to maneuver amongst the earth plane with grace and ease.

It sounds so foo foo or woo woo but it’s so profound if you actually set your intention to do it. And of course this isn’t a new message…. My friend Julz spent 2 hours on the phone a few days ago trying to gently insert it past my mind but the sheild of my EGO mind was still too thick! I kept thinking — I’ve done all of ‘that’ BEFORE and it ‘didn’t work’. oh do I love to judge what works and doesn’t work. It’s the trap that keeps you in the human illusion. How can a miracle happen if we stay in the energy of the illusion (read ACIM)? Nothing needs to WORK, we just need to allow it to UNFOLD.

What? Yes, everything becomes unpredictable and magical. So why don’t we all just do it? Because we don’t want to relinquish control…and we want to SEE everything, PROVE everything, and KNOW everything so that we can CLAIM it as our doing or understand our IDENTITY. It’s all rubbish. But what if our ‘accomplishing’ is through our non doing and more our being? A tough programming system to break. Especially when you come from the corporate world where results = success = and that equals purpose. Oh so, NOT! If this were the case then why would so many beautiful corporate souls like myself leave that life and come to Bali on holiday or build a life here? (and I loved what I did but Pollinating the Planet with Love is so much better)

So the green catepillar that appeared to be hanging in the sky was my reminder of the ILLUSION. I couldn’t see what it was connected to but I knew that it wasn’t just HANGING there on its own. There must be a web somewhere but I couldn’t see it from any angel. The light was perfectly glimmering through the jungle and the string should have caught a glimpse of it at some point, no?

I stood there videoing for some time. A motorbike driver came by and I thought the worm was going to smash into his face. Nope, his connection remained untouched and he was still suspended doing cirque du soleil movements like there was an audience of thousands.

It was then that I quickly realized that mother nature was yet again giving me an example of the illusion. Reminding me that we don’t always have to SEE or KNOW how the magic happens but that we’re here just to ENJOY it. My choice. Doing with the EGO mind or being with my SPIRIT heart. I choose flowing in creation and knowing that its already done.

There’s nothing left to do.

Namaste, little florecent green cirque du soleil worm!

PS. When I came back literally 3 min later, he was gone.

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