If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether you’re being too guarded in dating — or if the discomfort you’re feeling is actually your intuition trying to protect you — this one’s for you.
Let’s unpack a very common but confusing dating scenario. A listener on my LIVE YouTube show @BethBellLIVE asked:
“I’ve gone on a few dates with someone new. Communication between dates has been minimal, and on the third date, he asked about my intentions. He shared that if there’s no sexual intimacy soon, he’d likely lose interest. I’m in my 50s, he’s in his late 50s. I felt pressured, even though I enjoy our chemistry. Am I being too guarded? Or is this a red flag?”
This question is layered — and incredibly important.
First: Trust That Inner Twinge
If you’re feeling uneasy, there’s a reason. It doesn’t always mean something bad is happening — but it does mean something isn’t fully aligned.
When someone you barely know applies pressure for physical intimacy, especially before emotional intimacy has been established, your internal alarm system (aka intuition) goes off for a reason.
That discomfort is wisdom.
And at 50 or 59, we’re no longer navigating dating like hormonal teenagers. We’re adults who know (or are learning) that sex is energetically powerful — not just a physical act, but an emotional and spiritual exchange.
🛑 Pressure Is Not Passion
Let’s be real: sexual chemistry is beautiful. It’s magnetic, fun, and, yes — meaningful in a romantic relationship. But there’s a difference between natural desire and conditional pressure.
When someone says, “If there’s no sex soon, I’ll lose interest,” they’re not expressing intimacy — they’re issuing an ultimatum.
That’s not about connection. That’s about control.
And at any age, that’s a red flag.
Even if it’s delivered with a smile. Even if you’re attracted to them. Even if part of you is flattered.
Why?
Because someone who is genuinely interested in you — your heart, your soul, your spirit — won’t reduce your connection to a physical checkpoint.
🔍 Mystery vs. Mistrust: Why Not Knowing More Feels Off
Here’s another key element: you barely know this person. You’ve been on three dates, you don’t know his last name, and he hasn’t shared basic personal details.
Let’s pause there.
Would you give someone the keys to your house after three brief encounters, knowing only their first name?
Then why consider giving them access to your body and energy?
Spiritual, emotionally aware women often crave depth. And if someone is withholding essential pieces of who they are — while expecting full access to who you are — it creates an imbalance.
That’s not a mystery. That’s a lack of transparency.
🧠 Different Brains, Different Worlds?
You mentioned that you’re an artist, and he’s in tech — maybe you think differently. That’s possible. But cognitive wiring isn’t an excuse for pressuring someone. Nor is it a license to fast-track physical closeness without emotional availability.
Sometimes, we try to rationalize misalignment as “just different communication styles.” But deeper down, we know when we’re being dismissed, devalued, or emotionally bypassed.
And if someone isn’t emotionally aware enough to honor your boundaries, that’s not a style difference — it’s a compatibility issue.
🎭 Is It You, Or Is It The Pattern?
Here’s where it gets more nuanced: Are you attracted to this person, or are you attracted to the attention?
This is a juicy and often uncomfortable inquiry — but an important one.
Some men have learned to use attention as a tool. They love-bomb, they flatter, they flirt with intensity. For many women — especially sensitive, heart-led ones — that early adoration feels intoxicating.
But it’s also often strategic. Even if it’s not malicious, it’s patterned. A lot of men equate affection with seduction. When that fails to escalate into sex, they withdraw.
The problem isn’t the attention — it’s what’s underneath it.
And the real work lies in asking:
“What is it about this dynamic that pulls me in, even though I feel unsettled?”
Sometimes, we chase unavailable men because, on a soul level, we’re trying to heal the part of us that still believes love needs to be earned.
⚡ The Energy of Intimacy
As a spiritually aware being, you know this: sex is never just sex.
It’s an energetic entanglement.
Even the smallest gesture — like a kiss — carries frequency.
You’re not just sharing skin. You’re sharing soul space.
When you merge physically with someone, you connect to their emotional patterns, their trauma, and their wounds — even if they’re not consciously aware of them.
So before you sleep with someone, ask:
🌀 Do I trust them to hold my soul in a sacred space?
Because sex isn’t a gateway to love. It’s an amplifier of whatever is already there. And if what’s “there” is pressure, withholding, or games… intimacy will magnify that, not fix it.
You’re Not “Too Guarded.” You’re Evolving.
If you’re asking whether you’re too guarded, it tells me one thing:
You’re not numb. You’re paying attention.
Guardedness isn’t the enemy. It’s a natural defense mechanism born from experience. But the deeper invitation is to ask:
Am I protecting myself from love — or am I protecting myself for love?
There’s a difference.
You don’t need to armor up forever. You just need to blow up the pattern that draws in people who aren’t ready to meet you in depth.
You’re not just seeking romance. You’re seeking resonance.
What to Do Now
Here’s a gentle path forward:
- Tune in before your next interaction. Ask yourself: “Do I feel safe? Do I feel seen? Am I curious about who he is beyond chemistry?”
- Get curious. Ask questions. Learn his last name. Explore what he values. If he withholds or gets evasive — listen with your intuition, not just your ears.
- Name your needs. Say: “I move slowly with intimacy. I want to build an emotional connection first.” The right person will honor that.
- Reflect inward. What part of you is attracted to someone who’s inconsistent or pressuring? That part has a message — and a healing waiting to unfold.
- Hold out for real connection. You deserve a relationship that builds, not one that barges in and demands access.
💗 Final Words
You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking the right questions.
You want connection, depth, and soul-centered intimacy. That’s sacred. That’s rare. And that’s worth protecting.
Don’t settle for being someone’s temporary thrill when you’re built to be a whole damn sanctuary.
You’re not being guarded — you’re being wise.
And wisdom, when honored, always leads to love worth waiting for.
Do you have relationship questions?
I’m here to help you TRANSFORM heartbreak into LOVE LESSONS, move through self-judgment to unconditional LOVE, FEEL the SPARK OF ROMANCE without fear, OVERCOME LONELINESS, and ultimately LIVE YOUR SOULs PLAN!
I’ll provide intuitive insights to YOUR QUESTION on my LIVE show 🎥 on SUNDAYs at 11:11 AM PT. Submit here 👉🏽 https://bethbell.me/question/
Let’s stay in touch! 👍 LIKE & 👉🏽SUBSCRIBE for more empowering content on how to break through beliefs, tap into inner wisdom, and upgrade your energetic templates. https://youtube.com/@BethBellLIVE
