Afraid to LOVE?

Being in love, loving and feeling loved is such a magical experience and emotion. So why is there often a program running that is ‘afraid to lose it’? Why can’t it all just be blissful?

When I first brought my dog, Ms Lily, home to my villa in the rice fields I was scared to love her. I didn’t want to get too attached. I didn’t want to be ‘one of those dog people’ that treated their canine like a kid. But most importantly I didn’t want to experience loss of loving because in my mind there was a good chance that she’d run away.

Morning walks in the rice fields

Lily’s a wild dog. She has a pack mentality and survival is her innate programming. So it doesn’t really matter that I had a posh villa in the middle of the rice field with spectacular views, a great pool and air conditioning. However, she was keen on the free feeding schedule that provided a source of ongoing nutrients. I do believe she understood what being rescued meant.

It was love at first sight actually.

Truth be told, I didn’t want a rescue dog. I didn’t have time. I was designing my shop in Bali and the last thing I needed was a responsibility to a living, breathing person or pet.

When the call came from a friend stating “you need to be this dogs mommy, she’s special” I said “I’ll have a look”. When our eyes met, they locked and it was a soul connection that wasn’t going to be broken. Yes, we had to build trust over time because she was wild and skeptical. So was I.

It’s like when you feel that spark and it moves you. I mean really moves you. First love, first baby, first kiss kind of love. You feel it in your body like an imprint. And then we spend time trying to stop the thoughts about not wanting it to go away…..

What if we realized that in each moment we are blessed with these types of encounters that its ok if it’s only a moment. And that if it’s meant to be something more, then each moment moving forward could be another moment to be grateful. For that moment and possibly many more. It’s a novel way to love but wouldn’t it be so freeing to just stay in each moment and know that LOVE is always inside ourselves. And that its an illusion that its outside of us?

Seriously, I thought Lily was going to run away. She wasn’t willing to stay in the confines of my beautiful garden. It wasn’t enough for her. She needed a much larger perimeter to protect. So she jumped the wall and eventually I just left the gate open. Day after day I would come home from work and she’d still be there. She was ready to come into the air conditioning and snuggle in with me. She’d nuzzle her nose behind my back on the sofa or lay on my lap while I worked.

As a pup she had to overcome a skin disease

Eventually the bond became so strong that the fear of her running away dissipated. But the thoughts didn’t go away as I found something else to focus on that would keep my ideas of “loss of love” alive in my mind.

What if someone stole her?

What if she was run over by a car or a motorbike?

What if she got sick and died?

I prayed for her safety. I really wanted to take her to my shop on Monkey Forest Road to be the greeter so I could have a pulse on her day. But she didn’t like that job. Her cuteness attracted people like flies on poop. But when they got close to coming in, she barked and scared everyone off. We had a fake grass rug in the shop and her peeing on it was what broke the last straw.

She was destined to do the job she loved, protecting the villa and running in the rice field with the other dogs. Probably bragging to all the others about her posh digs.

Ironically she act like a princess and loves to have her collar put on. To a Bali dog that means you belong to someone and have MADE IT off the street.

Lily has taught me a number of life lessons but unconditional love is at the top of the list. Being grateful for the moments we share and not being scared to love are right up there too!

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Nothing lasts forever; although love is eternal

Kids teach us unconditional love

Nothing lasts forever; although love is eternal

Love always moves me and it doesn’t have to be romantic love. Although kissing someone you hold dear to your heart is wonderful. For now lets stay focused on the core of unconditional love.

Yesterday, I went to Whole Foods to grab a juice with a friend. As we approached the register to order, I realized that we had accidentally cut in front of a young lady who was waiting to the side. So I politely informed my friend that this lady was next. She moved closer to me and I apologized saying I didn’t realize she was in line. We made eye contact and smiled. She moved again, closer to me. Right next to me in fact, almost touching side to side. I touched her arm in another gesture of apologies for not seeing her. She grabbed my right hand and said “oh, your hands are so warm”. I without any thought cupped both her hands in between mine to warm hers up. My hands were not only warm but HOT!

Ironically for anyone who knows me, knows that my hands (nose and toes) are ALWAYS cold. I was surprised and in that moment felt a bit in a quandary as to how my hands were soo hot. And why I was snuggled next to this stranger holding her hands in an embrace of love? But I loved it, she loved it. It wasn’t until hours later after I left my friend that I found myself reflecting on the situation and feeling it was so unique and cherished the moment.

Then I was promoted to ask the question “why does this have to be unique”? Why don’t we all touch each other a little more every day. In today’s litigious society perhaps physical touch isn’t the most appropriate way to interact with one another. But there are so many ways to express emotion that allows for free sharing and caring!

That lady and I shared a lot in those 30-60 seconds. I’m certain our oxytocin levels rose as we both felt unconditional caring love between two humans. We could be more different on the outside. I’m tall, she’s short, I’m vanilla yellow skin and hair, she’s milk chocolate. There were no differences between us in that moment which was so spontaneous and natural.

I feel grateful to have an open heart (well, most of the time). It’s what allows me to connect with others on a soul level. But I don’t always flex this open heart muscle. As of today I’m going to consciously do my best to keep it open. It’s these small things of shifting energy between us that can make a big difference. It’s the warm glow we all want and need to lift us through the mundane aspects of human routines. An injection of inspiration to know that each one of us have a choice to make our day and someone elses brighter than ever.

If only a smile, a head nod of appreciation or a touch of the hand, together we can move mountains and be Pollinating the Planet with Love. Who’s in?

Everyone matters

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What I love about death

Love never dies

Losing a loved one is never easy and it doesn’t matter if its ‘expected’ or ‘unexpected’. Of course we always hope that they don’t suffer in the passing. When its your time to go, you will.

Actually it’s all about will. Free will on the planet as a human is the most liberating idea we can embrace. But we fight it when it comes to death and dying.

About a week before my Grandmothers passing I had received a call that she was sliding down hill fast. The nursing home didn’t think she’d stay much longer. So I went to the ocean, sat on a bench and tuned in to her. Talked to her in spirit and gave her the same message over and over. The message was simple “there’s nothing left to do here and you’re free to go”.

There’s nothing worse than seeing a loved one ‘hang on’. Why do they do that? Fear of death? Fear of leaving and wanting everyone to be ok?

I could see on my last visit that my Grandma was vacillating between the earth plane and another dimension. Most people thought she was falling asleep but I knew where she was going. To that beautiful place where time doesn’t exist and nothing matters except joining with others in love. So I couldn’t resist asking her how Grandpa was doing and if she’d seem him recently. Although he’s been dead for several years, she had in fact just been out dancing with him. How beautiful to know that he was by her side encouraging her transition in a way that she so loved.

I was joyously swinging at the beach when I received the call that my Grandma had passed. Moments prior, I was so happy watching the waves crash with the pier on the horizon. I felt like a kid, free as a bird when my phone rang. I knew when I heard my Dad’s voice what was coming next. I cried with him and then suddenly felt the opening.

I felt deep sadness for my Dad and for our loss. I wanted to hug him and show him that I love him. In my mind I quickly saw all my relatives who I love and adore and haven’t seen in quite some time. It threw me into this huge swell of appreciation, love and gratitude for my extended family. Without my Grandma, my Dad wouldn’t be here. Neither would my fond memories of holidays together with my cousins or my love for Norweigan pancakes. In fact my whole life would be different if it wasn’t for her bringing these souls in and being such a great woman holding us all together in love.

What I loved was that death was giving me an opportunity to open my heart in a deeper way. It was offering me the experience of gratitude for all that relationships have to offer. To know that we are all connected in light filled ways. To know that as souls whether its heartbreak or loss that we’re here to experience love and share it with others. So love is really what its all about isn’t it?

My Grandma was really ready to get out of here — this place on earth where the vibration can feel heavy. It felt like the deeper message was to leverage loss for love. When the heart breaks open it offers us an opportunity to step into a higher vibration. One that allows our heart to be open in gratitude.

Let’s hug our loved ones a little longer, express our feelings a little more and be the bliss we want to feel.

Eternal love rocks

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