There’s a question I hear a lot in spiritual circles, and it almost always comes with a deep breath, a hesitant tone, and a heart wide open:
“How do I know if they’re my soulmate or my twin flame?”
It’s a beautiful and vulnerable question. And the truth is, it’s not always about the label. It’s about the lesson.
But since we’re here, let’s explore the difference in a grounded and soulful way — not to put people into boxes, but to help you understand the energetic dynamic you’re experiencing and how it might be supporting your awakening.
These two words — soulmate and twin flame — have very different meanings to many people, and a lot has been written on the topic. The basic definitions, according to the Oxford Dictionary, include:
- Soulmate: A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.
- Twin Flame: When two souls are split in two, or two people are mirror images of each other. This results in an instant connection when twin flames meet.
They have similarities but are very different in definition. The similarities they share are that you feel like you were destined to meet them. There’s often karma and previous lifetimes that can bring a lot of healing and growth to each person. But they are different connections as twin flames are described as two halves of the same soul, and soulmates are two souls that belong together.
Soulmates: The Gentle Mirrors
Soulmates are the ones who walk alongside us. They feel like home. There’s an ease, a safety, a knowing. When you meet a soulmate, it often feels like you’ve known each other forever — because maybe, on a soul level, you have.
In spiritual teachings, soulmates are understood as part of our soul family — people we’ve incarnated with across lifetimes to love, grow, and evolve. These are the relationships that teach us through love, not chaos. That doesn’t mean they’re without challenges, but the challenges tend to be more navigable. They invite us to rise, not burn.
Soulmate love is a love that nourishes.
Deepak Chopra says, “Soulmates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect, but they are always perfect for you.”
When we meet a soulmate, we may still have to do inner work, but we feel supported and seen. There is often mutual respect, emotional availability, and aligned values. It’s the kind of love that allows you to exhale.
Twin Flames: The Sacred Fires
If soulmates feel like home, twin flames feel like a wildfire.
The twin flame journey is often intense, challenging, and deeply transformational. Many spiritual teachers describe twin flames as one soul split into two bodies — a mirror so exact that it reflects not only your light but your deepest shadows.
This relationship is designed to wake you up.
It brings to the surface everything unhealed, unseen, and unresolved within you. That might sound romantic, but in practice, it can be chaotic, triggering, and even painful. And yet, it is also deeply sacred. Because this level of mirroring forces radical self-awareness.
Matt Kahn once said, “Your twin flame is not your reward — it’s your mirror.”
Many twin flame connections include periods of separation, intense longing, and spiritual growth. Often, you meet your twin flame during or just before a spiritual awakening. It’s as if their energy activates something dormant in you — and vice versa.
This journey is not always meant to end in romantic union. Sometimes, the purpose is to initiate your path back to self. To shatter the illusion. To dissolve the ego.
Early on in my awakening, I spent a lot of time reading and learning about soulmates, as I was enthralled with destiny and soul contracts, especially as they relate to romantic relationships. As you’ve read about in the book, there are some interesting characters that I attract that provide incredible experiences. Some provided important lessons for my awakening, and others helped me see and experience fragments of myself through my deep connection with others.
At this point in my life, I don’t place a lot of meaning on these types of titles. I believe every relationship we have can provide valuable insights into our growth and spiritual journey.
Why We Call Them In
Whether you call in a soulmate or a twin flame, both are soul contracts. You call them in not from your wounds but from your soul’s divine blueprint. There is something in you ready to be remembered, healed, or embodied, and this person catalyzes that next chapter.
I often refer to these relationships as soul contracts, while others in the spiritual community say unconscious agreements. Either way, we make these agreements with others before we incarnate. These aren’t accidental meetings; they are divine appointments.
So, when someone enters your life and stirs something deep within you — whether it’s bliss or heartbreak — ask:
- What is this relationship reflecting to me?
- Where am I being asked to grow?
- What is being illuminated?
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about chasing a label. It’s about your alignment.
Soulmate or Twin Flame? How to Tell
Here are a few distinctions, but remember — these are general patterns, not rules.
Soulmate Dynamics:
- Feels harmonious and supportive
- Fewer power struggles
- Emotional availability is present
- Encourages mutual growth
- Often results in long-term partnership or marriage
Twin Flame Dynamics:
- Intense magnetic pull, often instant recognition
- Deep triggering and shadow work
- On-again/off-again cycles
- Spiritual awakening is activated
- Often includes separation and reunion phases
If you feel peaceful and aligned, you may be with a soulmate. If you feel cracked open and raw, you may be in a twin flame initiation. Both are valid and sacred. Again, I wouldn’t put emphasis on finding a label as much as seeing the lesson to guide your spiritual awakening journey.
What Other Spiritual Teachers Say
Ram Dass reminds us, “We’re all just walking each other home.” That includes the person who breaks your heart and the one who helps you heal it.
Marianne Williamson views all relationships as divine assignments, each one bringing us back to love.
And Eckhart Tolle — while he doesn’t directly use the language of soulmates or twin flames — teaches that all relationships are mirrors. He says:
“Relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.”
In other words, relationships are not here to complete us. They are here to reveal us.
So… What Should You Do?
Instead of trying to label the relationship, try this:
- Stay present. Let the relationship be what it is, not what your mind wants it to be.
- Tune into your body. Do you feel safe? Seen? Inspired? Or do you feel anxious, contracted, confused?
- Do the inner work. Every trigger is an invitation. Every longing is a breadcrumb. Follow it inward.
- Release the outcome. Whether this person stays or goes, the true gift is how you rise in your own energy.
In Closing
Whether someone is a soulmate, a twin flame, or something else entirely… if they awaken something in you, they matter.
Don’t get too attached to the label. Instead, ask:
- Who am I becoming in this relationship?
- Is this connection leading me back to my true self?
Let your love stories be sacred initiations. Let every person be your teacher. Let your own heart be the compass.
And remember: whether you find a soulmate, a twin flame, or your own beautiful wholeness, you are always being guided home.
Do you have relationship questions?
I’m here to help you TRANSFORM heartbreak into LOVE LESSONS, move through self-judgment to unconditional LOVE, FEEL the SPARK OF ROMANCE without fear, OVERCOME LONELINESS, and ultimately LIVE YOUR SOULs PLAN!
I’ll provide intuitive insights to YOUR QUESTION on my LIVE show 🎥 on SUNDAYs at 11:11 AM PT. Submit here 👉🏽 https://bethbell.me/question/
Let’s stay in touch! 👍 LIKE & 👉🏽SUBSCRIBE for more empowering content on how to break through beliefs, tap into inner wisdom, and upgrade your energetic templates. https://youtube.com/@BethBellLIVE
