While in meditation, I realized that I was holding the feeling of disappointment I’d absorbed while in my mother’s womb. After 50+ years of trying to find the core of this emotion, which I desperately wanted to get rid of but couldn’t seem to shake…insights finally popped through.
From working in hundreds of family constellation sessions, I knew that once you identify the origin of an emotion, you can give it back to the family member who brought it through. It was time to no longer hold on to the loyalty of this emotion that I’d carried all my life. Once I did this simple exercise, the impact was immediate, and joy, satisfaction, and happiness filled me.
I’d hoped this would be gone for good, but knew it could re-loop, testing to see if we’re really ready to be done with it. I wanted to know the best techniques to give back the emotion and feeling of disappointment for good. So, I did some research to make sure I’d done it correctly and wanted to add another tool to my spiritual toolbox to use if it resurfaced. It was my intention to truly give back the emotion to my ancestors and no longer attract people and situations that disappointed me.
My research uncovered the following tips and techniques that many people can benefit from, and I wanted to share them with you. My research is based on the work of Bert Hellinger, who founded The Family Constellation Method. It’s an incredible system that offers profound techniques to release inherited emotions and entanglements. Here’s a summary of what I learned to help me remain free from attracting disappointment in the future.
1. Strengthening the “Giving Back” Ritual
Even if you’ve already given the disappointment back, reinforcing the process can deepen the healing. Here’s a method to ensure that your subconscious and energetic body fully release it:
- Create a Sacred Space: Sit in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Light a candle if you feel called to.
- Visualize Your Mother and Ancestors: Imagine them standing before you in a loving, yet firm manner.
- Acknowledge the Emotion with Gratitude: Say out loud or internally:
“Dear Mother, Dear Ancestors, I now recognize that I carried your disappointment within me. I honor your experiences, and I acknowledge your burdens. But this feeling does not belong to me. With love and respect, I give it back to you, for I know that you have the strength to hold what is yours.” - Physically Return the Emotion: Imagine the disappointment as an object — a heavy stone, a dark mist, or any symbol that represents it. In your mind’s eye, hand it back to your mother or your lineage.
- Receive New Energy: Now, visualize yourself receiving light, warmth, and joy in return. You can say:
“I now allow myself to live in happiness, satisfaction, and joy. I am free to experience life as my own.”
This process may need to be repeated a few times if remnants of the emotion remain.
2. Reconnecting with Your True Place in the Family System
Sometimes, inherited emotions persist because of unconscious loyalty to our family. To further detach from the pattern:
- Affirm Your Place: Stand with your feet firmly planted and say:
“I am the child, you are the mother (or ancestors). I honor you, but I now take my rightful place as the child. I release myself from carrying what is yours.” - Bow in Respect: If it feels right, physically bow your head slightly to acknowledge their journey and release any guilt about moving beyond their struggles.
3. Transforming the Pattern in Your Daily Life
If disappointment resurfaces, use these techniques to avoid reabsorbing it:
- Body Awareness Practice: When feelings of disappointment arise, locate them in your body. Place your hands on that area and say:
“This is not mine. I allow this to pass through me.” - Dialogue with the Emotion: Ask yourself, “Whose voice does this belong to? Is this truly my feeling, or have I learned to expect disappointment as a form of loyalty?”
- Energetic Clearing Movement:
- Stand and shake your arms and legs to physically release residual energy.
- Imagine a flow of light washing through your body, clearing out any remnants of disappointment.
- Rewire Your Mindset: Every morning, affirm:
“I now welcome joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction. I attract experiences that nourish me.”
4. Bringing in the Opposite Emotion
Hellinger teaches that healing comes not just from releasing but also from replacing.
- Anchor Joy: Recall a time when you felt deep joy and satisfaction. Bring that memory into your heart and body.
- Visualize Your Mother and Ancestors Happy: See them smiling, free from their burdens. This helps shift the transgenerational energy from suffering to peace.
Final Thought
If disappointment or whatever emotion you are releasing resurfaces, treat it as an echo, not as proof that you haven’t released it. Over time, with these practices, you will reinforce your freedom from this inherited pattern and open yourself fully to joy, satisfaction, and love. 💛
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